Extreme Cougar Wives: How extreme are they?

I stumbled upon this excellent show the other day, which must be fate since it premiered on TLC in 2014. It never gets old, however (excuse the pun). 

Just what makes a cougar "extreme," you ask? According to television, it's more than a 30-year age spread between woman and man. The series follows two couples: Stephanie, age 65, and Octavio, age 28; and Kevin age 21, and Jude, age--well, old enough to be named after a Beatles' song. Also featured is Hattie, a 75-year-old woman who will go on a date with pretty much anyone, as long as he's under age 30.

Anyway, though the intrigue of the show is clearly meant to draw on spectacle, and the audience is practically begged to think the whole thing is a wee bit perverse, I found myself wondering how big of a deal this so-called deviant behavior really is. For example, are these cougars and young men simply pursuing mates they find innately attractive, or are they in some way warped by outside factors/nurture?

Ammunition for the warped side is the relationship between Octavio and Stephanie who, although seemingly normal enough, are able to point to the exact moments in their lives that led them to later seek about an age-disparate relationship. Octavio was "seduced" by a friend's mother at age 13 in some Mrs. Robinson scenario. Stephanie tells the camera the story of losing her first husband who died in her arms, came back, and subsequently died for good. "I never want to go through that again," she says. So here's a couple whose predilections could be accounted for in any psychologist's chair in 2.5 seconds.

On the other hand, we have Kevin and Jude who actually go so far as to participate in a hand-fasting ceremony shown on the episode. Aside from their ages, they actually seem perfectly suited for one another--they both love music, pseudo-ritual, and the slightly dorky. They also both genuinely seem to be caught up in the idea of a Romeo and Juliet romance; Jude is genuinely distraught when they do not receive the blessing of Kevin's mother who is two years her junior. She finds climbing through her young lover's window each morning exciting. (He still lives with his parents.)

An equal, perhaps more important player in the spectacle is the lack of societal mores guiding these cougar relationships. Under different circumstances, standing up for ones lover when she is ridiculed by friends, introducing a new girlfriend to ones mother, and even the hierarchy governing mother-son's girlfriend relations are easy situations to navigate. When there's a 30-plus year age difference between the parties, no one is sure how to act. Should an older woman defer to her younger mother-in-law? Who knows?

Regardless of whether these relationships are good or bad, twisted or innocent, the couples involved are paddling against the social current. It would be interesting to watch these relationships evolve in a completely open society, or at least in one where there's some well-meaning guidance to follow. Then again, I doubt that idea would draw such an audience.